99 reasons why:

#92: because my birthday is on the horizon

i honestly don't care all that much, but am about to be 30, yes sir, thirty. i don't really know how do people hold themselves and just go-on living, i'm good dying next November, it's cold anyway. memories just makes us heavier. maybe i shoulda married Salem, learned how to cook, gotten fat and had a couple of kids,
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maybe not.
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this is my last 20 something year, so cheers to that.

emirati psycho*

my name is Raisa M, I live in ********, and i'm 28 years old. i believe in taking good care of myself, a balanced diet, excessive exercise, and covering every inch of my skin in brand names. i would probably change my abaya a thousand times, if i though it made my nose looks bigger, or my head any broader, i can do that while applying my eyeliner and mascara. i start by wiping my face with an orange extract facial cleanser, then wait a minute before applying a sunblock cream (30 SPF), and then add another layer of a tinted sunblock cream, and finish off with a bronzing face powder - with pure gold.

there's an idea of Raisa Al Mansoori, an illusion, some kind of an abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something imaginary. and despite the amount of efforts I put just hide my cold gaze, it still slips once in awhile. you'll shake my hand, you'll feel the flesh gripping yours, and maybe think that our lifestyles are probably comparable ...i simply am not there.

*based on a partially true story. 

adult short stories.

she was quiet.

he had a mustache.

.

.

.

they shared a cab.
and then parted for good. 

.

.

.

"إحنا عايزين ناكول و نشرب و نعيش و نشعر بالأمان، إحنا مش فاهمين حاقه"

I'm not really sure why, but I find it insulting when someone addresses me using u instead of you.

diaries of a place.

ever since I moved to the boathouse, time, mr einstein ...has became even more relative. an old friend of mine owns the boathouse. I didn't rent. wasn't invited. just crashed in and stayed there. 

I don't really think he'd mind, I am the dream guest of anyone, cleaned...paid, scruffed, watered his cactus. everything about that boathouse was alive, kept alive.

how long has it been? I honestly have no idea. but life is good, nights are bearable these days. I could say that i have stopped looking forward to mornings. well ...not entirely. I will always treasure my morning coffee with miss Dolly. talking to her is like biting an apple, light ...fresh, just so fresh.

I have developed an occasional motion sickness, mostly when I'm in a public transportation veh...no, it's just taxies. I always attract those smelly, ...chatty, inconsiderate drivers. my liver, heart, lungs and most of my vital organs are squashed up my throat ...with every one of the sudden stops, ah, just every time. 

plenty, is happening. hardest thing about life is living, and everyone's a star. almost every thing I hear, think about or say is a replica of some film, a good movie that I don't seem to remember its title. I also realized I'm quieter than I have ever been, my whole life.

I go back home to an open, dimly lit bedroom, a small space ...not really a kitchenette ...or a living room. yes, there's a bathroom, so I can't really complain. it's not a boathouse per se ...but it fits the description.

I kinda miss having neighbors. I have what you might call "episodic neighbors" they appear with your calendar vacations. or with the change of weather ...or just appear for no reason. would be nice to have someone around here, a regular resident. but what to do.

I'm looking for an apartment these days. a reasonably good place here would probably cost a 2,000 USD. I can do it, but ...I'll wait for the old friend to come back, so much to say. and as Long as the unstable state of the boathouse sync beautifully with my core I think ima hang around for a bit longer.



september 9th, 2011.

#Confession: i haven't combed my hair since last year.

we no speak no english.

كل يوم نفس الشي ....ننام و نوعا ننام و نوعا.....

....ما كليت حد للحين

بس أحس اني زومبي

twenty ten was the year of: learning, heartbreaks, friends, disappointments, self-raisalization, limits, surprises

if you were a poster, what would the tagline say?

"..I must've been a typical child of 68"

their expiration date

do you still think about that green olives jar you bought four months ago, ...and that big monster still hides under your bed?

the year of noodles

I'm 22. I not so long ago, ended a four year old relationship. I'll turn 23 soon. I lost everything, I have no friends ...none, really. I talk a lot. I'm annoying, why? Why am I annoying? Lol, 'cause I talk a lot. Do you know what you can do with alotta dough and sugar? Baking! I baked a lot ... I baked till I the sun came up ... around 5:40 am. How old are you? Do you live in a big house ...or? Yeh? ...No no no, I'm not selling. I just bake for myself. A lot?? I dunno, just got sick of eating the same things everyday, so I'm just trying new things. I work at this bakery slash coffee place, ..you should come check it out. I also cook too you know. ...Yesterday I baked alotta of doughnuts and muffins. My place smells good.

How do people get over things ...How ...umm, urghhh. So what's for dinner?

99 reasons why:

#99: Because I'm Anthony Hopkins

My first encounter with Sir Hopkins was back in the 90s. He was Hannibal Lector. I was ..Myself. Yup, I was fascinated by the movie that every time I watched it, was as if I'm watching it for the first time. Mostly, I liked Jodi Foster's character, very intriguing.

Recently, I watched a number of interviews. And was startled by how much he reminds me of myself. The placid/curious look in his eyes. That awful sense of humor. His sense of belonging. All me.

I don't really like him. I'm sure he's nice though.

Creep _______radiohead

hypoglycemia

1. i want to toughen up.
2. i have to toughen up.
3. i will toughen up.

________gotta eat

more carbs.

minor tragedy: I'm out of coffee.

Never thought about it, but I'd say melancholy.

It's less colorful than myself, but stoic, expected in a way, and endurable by some people :)

__full time midgets.

I just deleted five contacts off my messenger. most of whom were my fragile tie (so to speak) to something I thought was "home."