I'm not really sure why, but I find it insulting when someone addresses me using u instead of you.

i'm Jack's to-do list:

1. write a book.
2. have a child.
3. plant a tree.

diaries of a place.

ever since I moved to the boathouse, time, mr einstein ...has became even more relative. an old friend of mine owns the boathouse. I didn't rent. wasn't invited. just crashed in and stayed there. 

I don't really think he'd mind, I am the dream guest of anyone, cleaned...paid, scruffed, watered his cactus. everything about that boathouse was alive, kept alive.

how long has it been? I honestly have no idea. but life is good, nights are bearable these days. I could say that i have stopped looking forward to mornings. well ...not entirely. I will always treasure my morning coffee with miss Dolly. talking to her is like biting an apple, light ...fresh, just so fresh.

I have developed an occasional motion sickness, mostly when I'm in a public transportation veh...no, it's just taxies. I always attract those smelly, ...chatty, inconsiderate drivers. my liver, heart, lungs and most of my vital organs are squashed up my throat ...with every one of the sudden stops, ah, just every time. 

plenty, is happening. hardest thing about life is living, and everyone's a star. almost every thing I hear, think about or say is a replica of some film, a good movie that I don't seem to remember its title. I also realized I'm quieter than I have ever been, my whole life.

I go back home to an open, dimly lit bedroom, a small space ...not really a kitchenette ...or a living room. yes, there's a bathroom, so I can't really complain. it's not a boathouse per se ...but it fits the description.

I kinda miss having neighbors. I have what you might call "episodic neighbors" they appear with your calendar vacations. or with the change of weather ...or just appear for no reason. would be nice to have someone around here, a regular resident. but what to do.

I'm looking for an apartment these days. a reasonably good place here would probably cost a 2,000 USD. I can do it, but ...I'll wait for the old friend to come back, so much to say. and as Long as the unstable state of the boathouse sync beautifully with my core I think ima hang around for a bit longer.



september 9th, 2011.

#Confession: i haven't combed my hair since last year.

we no speak no english.

he's a man.

blind willow, sleeping woman

"Blind willows have a lot of pollen, and tiny flies covered with the stuff crawl inside her ear and put the woman to sleep." She took a napkin and drew a picture of the blind willow. The blind willow turned out to be a tree the size of an azalea. The tree was in bloom, the flowers surrounded by dark green leaves like a bunch of lizard tails gathered in a bunch. The blind willow did not resemble a willow at all.

Haruki Murakami's BLIND WILLOW, SLEEPING WOMAN

*2010

99 reasons why

#98: Because i wanna end every sentence with a full stop.

in a group of people. a mentally stable thought starts to marble in my head. i open my mouth, it comes out a bit hesitant. it goes in them ears, it settles in. it gets raped, mutated, tortured and disfigured, they open their mouthes and respond to something i don't remember saying.

i stare back and smile.

run.

_____conservatively erect.

Two months ago, I married the prayer crier, or whatever that is called (Sorry honey) We first met at Virgin Megastore, it was bad taste at first purchase.

I always go there just to look around, and end up buying something(s) I bought two Pink Martini albums, Sympatique and Splendor in the Grass.

He did too.

He teaches Islamics at the boys elementary school. Islamics? I always walk on him humming something. It's a familiar tone, but he won't say what it was.

We recently moved to the mosque house. The main gate is turquoise, the whole place is radiating white. It's cute for a house. Two cute bedrooms. Two cute bathrooms. A cute living room. And a distastefully cute kitchen. Just cute.

I hated the purity of the place. So I hanged a huge Marilyn Monroe poster on the wall. It gave me a sense of sanity. The poster turned out later to be Madonna's, I didn't care.

We lived on Kiri's cheese sandwiches and fruits. There still a whole bunch of dairy products we haven't tried yet.

I always feel uncomfortable walking in the backyard. Feels like I'm wandering a public property, not my own house.

Someone 'll peek,

someone 'll just walk through the main door.

People seem to think that since he's a man of god he has an answer to everything. He is an idiot, we're idiots, two happy idiots.

Celebrating earth hour, our house shut down the power. We had to switch everything off, my phone included.

It's amazing how hard it's to do nothing.

2:40 pm

5:31 pm

9:13 pm

It was night.

I was swinging in the swing, while he desperately tried to lit some candles, humming that tone.

Just beautiful.

Next morning, we woke up in the middle of nowhere.

There it was, our mosque house, the mosque, and nothing else. No clinic, no park, no schools, no anything.

Everything and everyone was gone.

We didn't even notice we had no fingers, just spatula-like hands. Our bodies were layers of fabric, sewed carefully. We both came in pink.

I squeezed my chest and there was nothing, I had no spine, no lungs, no organs. Our faces were oval shaped with two buttoned eyes. We no longer were humans.

But I'll admit it, my hair looked better.

It appears, we had a dream. We were humans, once.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It was a beautiful dream.

كل يوم نفس الشي ....ننام و نوعا ننام و نوعا.....

....ما كليت حد للحين

بس أحس اني زومبي

_fourty two.

she counted her shoes.

(36 pairs)

she sat, counted seven fingers

(those were her friends)

one under 22, three in their mid twenties and two over 30

(years old)

she wore grey

tasted pink

and smelled blue

36+7-1=42

they tell you great things about being good,

well, surprise me.

yes, she was (still) terrible at math.

February, 2011

#FACT: i have a 26 year old son, he likes planes, and sporting sad colored tee shirts every ..single ..day. always had problems managing his pocket money. finals are soon... i hope he passes. C+ would be perfect.

:]:

1,2,3...10.

sleepers

the grasshopper and the Ant

49400:40:06,337 --> 00:40:09,067 "The Grasshopper and The Ant."
49500:40:10,341 --> 00:40:12,400 Here we go.
49600:40:12,476 --> 00:40:17,539 "Once upon a time, there was a grasshopper and an ant.
49700:40:20,484 --> 00:40:22,975 The ant was very hardworking
49800:40:23,053 --> 00:40:25,544 and the grasshopper was not.
49900:40:25,656 --> 00:40:27,681 He liked to sing and sleep.
50000:40:27,758 --> 00:40:29,726 While the ant went about his tasks.
50100:40:31,328 --> 00:40:36,356 Time went by. The ant worked and worked all summer long.
50200:40:36,434 --> 00:40:39,301 He saved all he could and when winter came
50300:40:39,370 --> 00:40:41,861 the grasshopper was dying of hunger and cold
50400:40:41,939 --> 00:40:44,339 while the ant had everything."
50500:40:44,408 --> 00:40:46,740 That ant is a real bastard!
50600:40:46,811 --> 00:40:49,302 "The grasshopper knocked on the ant's door,
50700:40:49,413 --> 00:40:52,871 and the ant said to him,'Grasshopper,
50800:40:52,950 --> 00:40:54,850 if you had worked as I did
50900:40:54,919 --> 00:40:57,649 you wouldn't be hungry and cold now."'
51000:40:57,721 --> 00:41:00,189 And he didn't open the door!
51100:41:00,257 --> 00:41:01,690 Who wrote this?
51200:41:02,993 --> 00:41:05,621 Because this isn't how it is!
51300:41:05,696 --> 00:41:08,426 That ant is a piece of shit and a speculator.
51400:41:08,499 --> 00:41:11,525 And it doesn't say why some are born grasshoppers.
51500:41:11,602 --> 00:41:13,502 Because if you are, you're fucked.
51600:41:13,571 --> 00:41:15,129 And it doesn't say that here.

she'llwakeupandloveyounomore.

"clack clack clack"

she wondered,..

should've been

(knock knock knock)

.

.

she opens the door

looks...

_____d

________o

__________w

_____________n

.........was her neighbor

pondered,.......................................

mrs. mustache, she calls her

.

.

she looked

______________d

___________o

________w

_____n

again...

mrs. mustache was on the floor

bleeding forehead

.......................head

....................hands

wearing sandals

on her hands

.

.

OH

so that's why it was a

clack clack clack.

diaries of a chair.

august 12, 2008

(shared spaces)

you were sitting on a bench, in a long narrow bus stop station. i thought you were on the edge, as if you were waiting for a whisle to jump and run. I had just had a shower, and my hair was utterly ..never mind, that day, i knew a clip wouldn't hold it, so i didn't bother. you were holding a smile which annoyed me in a way you couldn't imagine. i'm not sure you remember me, we didn't talk at the time. your friend, the weird one .. who kept telling us how she can predict the future, no wait .. she said she can "see" the future, she introduced us. we were supposed to go somewhere that evening, but you parted for god knows why. you had this paper bag beside you the whole time, scenarios started popping in my head, i didn't ask ... giving the fact you were texting someone the whole time. i started thinking about Queen Elizabith, your queer looking printed tee shirt got me thinking about her,

if we did have the time, we could've shared a lame joke, i'm really terrible at telling jokes, but that's the funny thing about it. you would've also heard my ringing tone, i was expecting a call just after you left, it was one of the most beautiful songs ever performed. weird thing, we're waiting at the bus stop and the silence was deafening, apart from your friend, our weird friend. souless place, not a sound. well, the ad board on the building was addictive, a bit entertaining. remember it? everytime the color shifts our heads turn, i don't remember what was it about...naah...

my, ..our weird friend told me the next day, you had been into an accident, she didn't mention you as often as she's used to. and i stopped asking qestions, it was as if you were dead. sometimes i wish i had told you to get your ass of the chair, since you didn't care and i hated waiting. something might have changed. maybe.

wear your heart today.

my baby sister wrote me that on a sketching book.

so random. you got a colorful future, kid.

twenty ten was the year of: learning, heartbreaks, friends, disappointments, self-raisalization, limits, surprises