blueberry fields

I woke up that day gravity challenged,
trying to fight the heaviness of my eyelids,
finally my eyes were partially open.

"Total Moisture.."
an upside down bottle of body lotion was on the dresser,
right in front of my sight, I kept blinking..
and reading the meaningless lines on the bottle.

ten minutes later, my brain started to engine,
I had to get out of my warm bed. and I did, successfully.

it was a freezing morning,
and my room looked blue, it needed more light,
I headed to the window feeling the cold attacking every angle of my being,
my fingers started to feel more and more rigidy,
I tried to pull, but the curtains refused to spread open,
as if they were holding each other.

I didn't have the heart to shred them apart
so I moved them together to the other side.

it was 11:13 am, my brain kept squealing for caffeine,
my brain gave my mouth an order to unseal, and I stared calling our maid:
"katty, ..katty, ..KATTY!"
"yes ma'am?"
"my coffee, please" ..remembering,
"don't add any sugar Katty!"
"ok ma'aam"
and there, my beloved coffee started to boil.

as I locked the door,
and started to yawn, accompanied by my hands' stretching,
I turned the other side of the room,
and a huge paper on the television screen interrupted my daily ritual.

I slithered closer, it read:
"dear, don't remove the blue bandage around your neck, I'll be home soon"
the writing was barely readable. it was mom's.

reading the note, my hands unconsciously started tracing the bandage,
and it was really there.

passing by the dresser, I straighten up the lotion bottle and looked at my neck.
I had no memory of wearing it, but I remember yesterday, it was sunshine peaceful.

brushed my teeth. washed my face, and just couldn't stop thinking about that blue bandage. what could have happened? my brain was having a terrible time coming up with suitable scenarios, none of which seemed realistic enough. it was almost 12, mom is not home yet and I needed a shower.

everything was set, I pulled my hair up, and started to unwrap the bandage.
it was tighter than it looked.


the bandage was off, and as I looked closer into the mirror, ..
there was a fine red line around my neck, it was getting more and more visible,
a small stream of blood started going down my neck,
a second later,
my head fell into the sink and my body collapsed on the floor.





leading me to a one and only conclusion,
"I was murdered."

my two, and final concerns were,
the unknown fate of my well-deserved cup of coffee. and myself, laying there naked.

(a prayer)

" اللّهم آمين "

because I care.

( منشورات فدائيّة على جُدران إسرائيل )

1

لن تجعلوا من شعبنا شعبَ هنودٍ حُمرْ

فنحنُ باقونَ هنا

في هذه الأرضِ التي تلبسُ في معصمها

إسوارةً من زهرْ فهذهِ بلادُنا

فيها وُجدنا منذُ فجرِ العُمرْ

فيها لعبنا، وعشقنا، وكتبنا الشعرْ

مشرِّشونَ نحنُ في خُلجانها

مثلَ حشيشِ البحرْ

مشرِّشونَ نحنُ في تاريخها

في خُبزها المرقوقِ، في زيتونِها

في قمحِها المُصفرّْ

مشرِّشونَ نحنُ في وجدانِها

باقونَ في آذارها باقونَ في نيسانِها

باقونَ كالحفرِ على صُلبانِها

باقونَ في نبيّها الكريمِ، في قُرآنها

وفي الوصايا العشرْ

Nizar Qbani

*****, doesn't cut it anymore

title: c'est la vie
description: worn out, feeling beyond repair, and nothing is good enough
format: flv. (youtube)
disclaimer: you have the freedom of choice either to play 'em or not - foto by (hpa.com)
warning: not recomended to those in good mental state


o1. Coldplay - "fix you" (clicky) when you try your best, but you don't succeed, when you get what you want, but not what you need, when you feel so tired, but you can't sleep, stuck in reverse

o2. Alejandro Sanz - "he sido tan feliz contigo" (clicky) a veces sueña con tu alegria mi melodía, a veces sueño del aire que nos caemos, qué es lo que iba a decirte yo ...

o3. the cardigans - "feathers and down" (clicky) so you trying to do what they did, your friends that turn to liquid, and got lost in the sea, and now you’re drowning me, with your talk of four leaf clovers, you turn to rocks and omen, to beat the ambient harm, but it’s bruising your karma

o4. margot & the nuclear so and so's - "quiet as a mouse" (clicky) tourists rob you of your home, in sunken boats, and you can hide quiet as a mouse, but they'll find you out and she aked me what have you felt, so down and out, you can stay with me at my house

o5. elliott smith - "can't make a sound" (clicky) you're never gonna understand what you're seeing, but later you'll pretend you can and you'll mean it, you might think it's all in your head but you're not certain anymore

o6. snow patrol - "somewhere a clock is ticking" (clicky) i've got this feeling that there's something that i missed, don't you breathe, don't you breathe. something happened that i never understood, you can't leave, you can't leave

o7. we are scientists - "lethal enforcer" (clicky) i promise this is not a test, it's just i want you to be sure. it all comes back to common sense, i guess that's what you're looking for. i'll have to ask you to speak up so we're sure that we're all perfectly clear on what we're ignoring

o8. portishead - "over" (clicky) I can't hold this day, anymore, understand me, anymore, to tread this fantasy, openly, what have I done, oh this uncertainty, is taking me over, I can't mould this stage, anymore

o9. Fairuz - "da3o mina" ( clicky ) ضاعوا منّا, ليالي هنا حلوين, وغناني حليانين, وكانوا عالدني تلاحين, ولا عاد يذكرنا, ونشرد ورا الألوان, وتزورنا الألحان, وتسأل عالهوا اللي كان

( you saved my life in Korea )

aside from the gay picture, and the irrelevant title, never mind where this am about to say come from .. umm, here it goes ..I used to be 'friends' with my sister, we shared so many things, materially and spiritually wise, now I feel like we're strangers, sometimes and not always, I feel like I have to agree with her just not to argue, she's into some stupid, dumb, dumb things, and it's ok but it feels like these stupid things are all there is, I remember telling her that I felt she was a complete "تافهه " and she went like "yes I know I am" and with that look on her face, she wasn't like umm.. messing around, I was just disappointed to say the least, at how everything tuned out,


would it be sad to miss that naive girl? 'cause I sort of do sometimes, I miss my lil stupid pigeon, but I think people change at some point, am not the same person I used to be back in high school, it still me but not wholy me, and neither she is, am just tiered of fetching her everywhere, I know she's been through some crappy friendships, disappointments, but that's not an excuse or a reason, ya hearing me pigeon.. it ..is ..NOT! :/


I hope she doesn't find her way here :p but if you did, I do love you and you know I'd adopt you if I had to, and my door is always open if you needed to knock, well ..as well as my closet if you felt like stealing anything ;) .. am still mad at the world for this, but the world can vete al infierno!


I can get myself together pretty easily, am good at lying telling myself everything's gonna be "ok," whatever this ok is, it's not optimisticism but rather peacefulness ..maybe, anyways ..that's enough for today :)

Tuesday, 3:03 am
Jan 13, 09

seven days of January.

(clic to enlarge )

I drew this one based on a Picasso piece,

enjoy the 24 days left of January :)

for a minute.

Regálame la silla, cansada de la esquina

Donde te esperé, donde siempre te esperaba, amor

let's spend the day in bed,

it's a time where you want to escape everything around, sometimes escaping with someone,
usually alone, lights off, and you're in Paris, ..Barcelona, or somewhere else for a couple of hours,
and then, you come back :)

here's some movies I've watched recently,

The Savages
this is one is a year old, I heard so much about it but finally watched it recently, torrent related issues :p

anyways, it's about a middle aged woman played by Laura Lenny, whom was awsome! if I may add :) and her profssor brother who lives somewhere on the other side of the american coast ..or whatever the term is, their father loses his girlfriend of 20 years and they're in their late 70's, and ends up being kick'd out an eldery society/home because of his behavior, anyways ..the movie will take you through their strugle choosing a home for their dying any day father, .. the father n' son relationship, their sister brother relationships, and that sort of things

I enjoy'd the movie tbh, it was real, human, blue, and reeeally depressing, but again it was good, and I'd definately recommend it

Australia,
this one I watched at the theatre, I went there with a couple of my sisters at the Marina mall, we met a friend at a café, ..fuelled up with caffien, chatt'd, then we headed to the theatre and settled down, it was about 3:30 pm and ..dadum, the movie started!

it's a story about this British lady Nicole Kidman, who went after her husband, well ..to get him back to England, but he 'surprisingly' gets murdered as she lands on Australia, and I gotta say her lips look'd a bit bigger than the last time I saw her, ok back to the movie ..she take over her husband's farm trying to save it, then meets this, umm ..man Hugh Jackman and yes she falls for him, they go places, things happens, and then a happy ending! ..hope I didn't ruin it for ya :



ok, now for me it wasn't my kind of movies, it was sort of fun to watch, funny at times, but it wasn't the movie that will stay in mind, it was very predictiple, I thought that they sort of epic'd everything about it, I mean the music was very eppicy, when a car was moving away they'd play this ear-dropping sad music and so on, seriously WHY?


I'd say watch it if you didn't have any other choice, however, there's a big chance you might like it, so it's your call, ..oh did I mention it was about 3 hours? :/



Things We Lost in the Fire


We lost a lot. And I remember, I...
I went to him and I said, you know,"How can you be so calm?"
And he said, "Hey, you know,those are just things, Audrey.
"Those are just the stuff.That's just stuff.
"We still have each other."



another depressing movie, and you'd expect a lot like this conversation

about this family, Hale Berry as the mother, that lost a member, but gained a friend, I read about the movie somewhere so I decided to watch it, it wasn't a masterpeice but it wasn't bad either, it was somewhere in between I'd say watch it, it was good, but a bit soacked up in drama, if you're up to it :)





Hotel Chevalier
I've never heard of this movie before, and it's a Natalie Portman movie which make it even weird-er not knowing about, ..anyways, it's a short movie, about 15 mins or less, I watched it based on a recommendation by a friend,


the whole movie takes place in a French hotel room, there's the ex-girlfriend and there's also the ex-boyfriend, whom suposedly was avoidng or rather fleeing this ex, umm .. the conversations were interesting, the song played in the movie was ..memorable :) everything seemed beautifuly placed, but you'll have to fill in the missing peices 'cause the movie doesn't give much

the over all is, it was good, you might ..hate it, but I'd still recommend it to people with artistic, ..Frenchy tastes maybe?





Il Y A Longtemps Que Je T'Aime
translation to that is, I've love'd you so long, I read about el movie at one of the blogs I stalk, so I thought it's French ..and it's drama, it's a combination that usually result into something good,

am not about to tell the story of the movie, I don't think telling the plot's a good idea you have to watch the movie, and don't try read anything of IMDB, trust me just don't :)




La Flor de Mi Secreto
ok it means, the flower of my secret, it's Spanish, and it's a 1995 production, it feels and tastes ventage, although it's not that old but it's ..I dunno, I've to mention that am completely in love with the director Pedro Almodovar, don't ask I just hove him! ..anyways,

the movie is about this lady writer who writes love novels under the name: Amanda Gris, she's married, but not that married, her husband is some sort of a solider, and was sent to Bosnia, due to the war ..and they're having troubles with their marrige, but she's being a woman, and just trying, and trying, ..and trying!


I'm pretty sure you won't like it, it's a movie about women, the difficult ones, ..I just had to write about it, cause I watched it a couple of days ago, thinking about it it wasn't bad at all, but it's the kind that am not recommending, however, am planing to watch it again :)